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  Michael Moore
  Michael Moore (pictured left, center and right) delights the crowd with his rendition of "Witchcraft" at a Karaoke For Peace rally.

Michael Moore Takes On WWII

by Ryan Garns*

Controversial filmmaker and blue collar multi-millionaire Michael Moore is currently working on a new documentary. This time, Moore turns his camera on America’s involvement in World War II and whether the Greatest Generation was really that great.

“I’ve always been bothered by mainstream Hollywood’s view of World War II,” says Moore between bites of his deep-fried peanut butter & pork log. “Their films are all very one-sided. It’s as though the Axis countries were the only bad guys.”

Moore hopes that his films will redefine patriotism. After his new film, patriotism will now also apply to lying, socialist junk historians.

The following is an excerpt from the screenplay in progress, provided to us by Moore’s personal groomer:


BLACK SCREEN

Sounds of fighter planes flying overhead, dropping bombs, explosions, and screaming women and children are heard.

MOORE (V.O.)
The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Some 2,403 Americans were killed and 1,178 were wounded, all because of an economic blockade that America had imposed on Japan. Once again, America had chosen not to come to the negotiating table. Instead it showed its arrogance by believing its interests were more important than those of other nations.

INT. WHITE HOUSE - OVAL OFFICE - DAY

President Roosevelt is shown sitting behind his desk.

MOORE (V.O.)
When President Franklin Roosevelt was first told of the attack, aides close to him said that Roosevelt did not get out of his chair. He just sat there. And sat. And sat. One White House aide was quoted as saying, “It must have been hours before he got up from his chair.”

Continuing several pages later...

EXT. PARIS - MONTAGE

A series of peaceful Parisian images flash before the screen. The citizens are all going about their lives, oblivious to any danger; flying kites, having weddings, being rude to tourists, etc. Then suddenly...

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. UTAH BEACH - MORNING

Explosions and gunfire rock the beaches of Normandy as American higgens boats and soldiers storm the coastlines.

MOORE (V.O.)
On June 6, 1944, the United States, along with England and Canada, invaded France. America suffered the most casualties with 6,603 while British and Canadian casualties were barely over half that. This was a "coalition"? This was "sharing the burden"? It’s also estimated that nearly 20,000 innocent French civilians were killed by misguided Allied bombing. While some say the Normandy invasion turned the tide of the war, it does not change one simple fact: that France had never murdered a single American citizen.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - DAY

War protestors march the streets with signs that read “No blood for cheese”.

MOORE (V.O.)
Why were our efforts being diverted to France? It was Japan, after all, that had attacked us on December 7th. Just because there were some Germans there? Germans who were also not involved in the attacks of December 7th? The President declared his goal was to liberate France, but Roosevelt, a well-known cheese aficionado, must have also been tempted to get his hands on the country’s chief export.

Moore has already signed a deal with a distributor for his film, and he looks forward to threatening them with a censorship lawsuit just prior to release.

*PLEASE NOTE: This page is meant as satire. To all of you bloggers and news junkies, it is NOT a real news story. The content of this page is a product of the author's imagination only.

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